Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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