dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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