Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
