The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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