Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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