im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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