I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
