You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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