the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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