yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
