You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
