dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
