she woke up with a sticky ear
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
