i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It was confusing and full of hummus
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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