I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
