She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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