I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize