New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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