but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
