To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
