did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Do vagina's smell?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So many bounce houses so little time
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
