You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
