Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
