I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
