my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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