I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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