I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
