omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
