so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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