i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
