I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
