JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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