Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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