Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
