so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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