it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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