from now on my penis is your penis
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He has the fingertips of a God
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