I'm going to jail i love you
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
