Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
