I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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