Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
