i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
