Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
