Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
