how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize