conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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