I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
