I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
