I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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