tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
