May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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