I wannas sexs uuuuu
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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