So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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