I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
