I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize