The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize