why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
