It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
