if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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