Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
PANTIES FOUND
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