They should really pass out barf bags in church
The beer is more important than you right now.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
