I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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