Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
