I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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