it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
