New invention idea: vibrating tampons
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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