Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
