I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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