six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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