I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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