and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
